Hi everyone. :)
No pics this time. No stories of big goings-on in our lives. Just some thoughts about my being sick of having OCD. If you have it, or know someone who has it (which is likely, because it affects 2% of the population), you can understand a little of what I'm going through.
It's like this monster that grips me and fiercely holds on. No one has ever been cured of OCD (that's what they say), but of course God is able to do anything, so I'm praying. But He has allowed this in my life; He is bigger than it and is able to use it for my good. For me, OCD manifests itself most often in my need for perfection; if something is less than perfect (and believe me, OCD's definition of perfect is unreasonable and entirely unreachable), then I'm miserable. Well, that's an overstatement, but if I listen to the OCD's messages to me, that's what I'll believe. At times I'm weaker to believing OCD's lies than others, and I guess recently I've been a little weaker. Although the other day I had a sort of epiphany. I can firmly tell myself I'm okay (because that's the truth), and then act like I'm okay, and that can actually change my mood. And I can order the OCD to stop throwing a temper tantrum and grow up. These are things my counselor has told me many times, but it's like it finally clicked somehow. But even with the ability to know that truth in a deeper sense, there's still lots of hard work to do. And it's all in this over-thinking, over-analyzing, perfectionistic, idealistic brain of mine. It's like it works overtime. I'm reading a book about OCD and one thing they say is that the brains of people with OCD overheat. I'm not sure if that's literal or not, but I guess it might be. (Wonder how much this has to do with my migraines....) It gives a four-step process of training your brain how to think that actually changes the chemical nature of the brain. It's fascinating. First you Relabel (recognize the intrusive and disturbing thought as an obsession), then you Reattribute (acknowledge that the obsession is because of a bio-chemical imbalance in your brain), and then the third step is Refocus - to actively choose to think about something helpful instead of the destructive thought that OCD introduced. That's the most critical; it's the step that changes the brain's chemistry. It's also the most difficult. Isn't that how it is? The most difficult things are what bring about good change in our lives. The fourth step is Revalue (assign that obsessive thought to the "junk to be thrown out" category).
Hmm. It helps to write about it. Anyway... Lord, give me the strength I need to fight this.
Okay. Enough ruminating. :)
I can't imagine the pressure or stress, but I'd encourage you to purposefully start your day with giving it into the Lord's hands and asking Him to direct your thoughts. What's that verse about acknowledging Him and our paths being established (Proverbs 3:6 maybe, or 16:3)? He created us as imperfect creations. He doesn't expects us to be perfect. We aren't created for that in this life. What would we learn from if we didn't make mistakes and our life wasn't filled with imperfections. If life here was perfect, and we were perfect, why would we need the Lord?
ReplyDeleteHmm, how's that for ramblings? I'm sure it isn't easy to purposefully change the focus of your thoughts, but the Lord is with you in all you do.
Love you!
It's so interesting to me that what you're learning is scriptural...."be ye transformed by the renewing of your mind" (Romans 12:2); "whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is of good repute, if there is any excellence and if anything worthy of praise, dwell on these things." (Phil. 4:8) "and the God of peace shall be with you." (vs. 9b) That's His promise! The Lord bless and encourage you in the retraining process! We love you.
ReplyDeleteTotally hear you on this topic Sylvie. The mind is such a powerful thing and I battle with it every single day. I will keep you in my prayers for sure because God can heal you!!
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