Because Eloping is Romantic! (and cheaper and simpler and funner)

So... many of you have asked for the low down on why we eloped!! Here's the story - from the beginning, because that will help set the stage.

Jeff and I met online (yes - online!) last August, and we met in person for the first time on September 4. We started an official dating relationship on September 20, and right from the beginning we felt deep sense of belonging with each other - a "kindred spirit" kind of thing. Our backgrounds are very different... I have been a single woman until now with almost no serious relationships. I always wanted to be married, but it just never happened. I've taken advantage of the freedom that comes with being single to move around and go on adventures, the most exciting of which was my year in China. Jeff, on the other hand, has had a very stable life. He married Maureen in 1980 and had a wonderful marriage with her until she died suddenly in 2006. They had four children, two of which are now grown and out of the house. He's been a successful electrical engineer, specializing in space power systems, nearly his entire adult life. He's a hard worker, so much fun, godly, youthful, athletic, funny, wise, gentle, caring, loyal.... I love to brag about him. :)

He's 53, wise and experienced; I'm 32 and perhaps a bit naive about some things. He's steady Eddie; I'm calamity Jane, and an emotional basket case at times. He's patient and gentle and laid back; I'm ... well, you know me. :)

But there are many similarities, too... We both love music (he plays the guitar and drums, and I play the piano and guitar). We both love being active outside. We both love to run. He's getting me playing tennis again, and I'm getting him out hiking. We like to be healthy. We have similar communication styles. We make each other laugh. We don't know much about wine, but we love it anyway. We both appreciate simplicity and spontaneity. We both value genuineness. We love change. We both love the Lord and want to grow in Christlikeness. We appreciate and admire each other's gifts and want to see them grow. And there's just something about being together that makes each of us come alive.

Oh, but I'm getting carried away. Back to the story... Around mid-December, I started experiencing severe unexplained anxiety, and this continued for the next several months. We determined that it was most likely caused by some medications that I was on (I'm now off those meds); but those meds probably exacerbated a fear of commitment I already had. Here we were, talking about marriage - what I had wanted so badly for so long - and I found myself freaking out about actually taking that step. I loved Jeff, but for some reason I was scared to marry him. He was incredibly patient with me throughout it all, God bless him... and I'm so grateful! As one of you said about him, he was quite the "shock absorber"... Who puts up with someone like me?! Jeff's love for me never wavers; he has the strength to handle me, and there aren't many out there who can! We were engaged on Valentine's Day over a bowl of Cheerios at the kitchen table at 11:50 pm. :) But even after that, I experienced doubt and fear and panic. There weren't hard and fast reasons for not marrying him; it was just an overall sense of fear that I didn't know how to deal with.

I sought counsel - from many of you, and others. Some advised that maybe this hesitation was somehow from the Lord, telling me that this was the wrong thing. Others said to press through the fear and the roller coaster emotions and choose commitment, no matter how scary that might seem. Others said to do whatever makes me happy. Others said to go away by myself and try to hear from the Lord. To be honest, I was overwhelmed, especially because some of the advice I was receiving seemed to contradict what others were saying. I felt very alone; it was my decision to make, and I needed to come to grips with what I believed to be right. This was especially challenging to me because I have always been the type of person to please people and to perform well in order to gain others' respect and admiration; I'm very easily influenced... maybe too easily. So I had to choose to set aside some of the counsel I was receiving - from people who I love and respect and who love me very much - and come to my own convictions.... a huge challenge for me.

Here are what have become my convictions, if you're curious... :)

1. There's no "one perfect person" for any of us; instead, there are wise choices and not-so-wise choices.

2. It is not my responsibility to find out God's will of direction for my life. It is, of course, my responsibility to live according to biblical wisdom, with a heart to please the Lord; but it is not up to me to "discover" what God's perfect will and destiny are for me. He's the one who's sovereign and will direct my steps, give me godly desires, work all things together for my good; he's the one in charge of the bigger picture. I am simply to live to please him by obeying him.

3. Peace is a great thing, but it's not a necessary ingredient before taking steps of faith, especially if it's interpreted as a "peaceful, easy feeling". Especially because some of us are more susceptible to mood swings and emotional roller coasters, that peaceful easy feeling isn't gonna be there all the time, and that's just the way it is.

4. Steps of faith are necessary in order to please the Lord. And faith wouldn't be necessary if everything was 100% certain. So, sometimes it's good to take steps that are scary; God will honor that. "Without faith it is impossible to please God." - Hebrews 11:6

By the time June came around, I had come to grips with what I believed, and I was ready to press forward with marriage, because I could see that marrying him would be a good thing; I could see that Jeff was a solid gold kind of a guy, I loved him, and he was very good for me - he was strong in areas I was weak (and vice-versa). It wouldn't be wise or good to yield to the fear I had of commitment. Instead, I needed to take a step of faith and press forward into the good and righteous and holy thing called marriage that God seemed to be orchestrating for Jeff and me. The only problem was that the June 20 wedding had been called off by this time. And because those feelings of panic and anxiety were still hanging around in the background, setting another wedding date only seemed like it would give the anxiety room to grow. I needed to make the jump into commitment.

So after lots of conversation and prayer and asking God for wisdom, we decided to elope! Both Jeff and I always did like to do things out-of-the-box... It keeps everyone guessing! :) And in hindsight, eloping was the best thing we could have done. Only a very few knew about it; we wanted it to be our secret until after it was done. Our wedding day - Wednesday, June 24 - was beautiful and sunny. We drove to the courthouse in Leesburg, VA, to apply for the marriage license and then meet with a civil celebrant for a 10:00 a.m. ceremony. It was just the three of us under a tree by the courthouse. The ceremony lasted about ten minutes, with Jeff swatting at the gnats the entire time. :) Afterward we grabbed some lunch at Tuscarora Mill in Leesburg, and then drove to the Dulles airport where we got on a flight to San Francisco! We honeymooned in Napa Valley for a week - beautiful, romantic, and memorable.

And wow... what a beautiful and amazing gift marriage is. Jeff has experienced it but I haven't, and I'm so grateful for this gift! We're a team... He's on my side and I'm on his... We have that security of knowing that we'll stick by each other until death parts us... We are growing in our knowledge of one another... We are praying together which is has strengthened our bond and our love for each other... It's just so rich and good, and I know it will continue to get better! The best is yet to come. :) And Jeff is such a wonderful, loving, supportive husband. I couldn't ask for anyone better.

We plan to have a celebration sometime later this year, so keep your eyes open for another invitation in the mail!